Actual Script

NO LIGHT
Circus music starts to play. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjedLeVGcfE
Light on the whole stage when the music is on 00:11


Me open the side door, take a step out and realize I don't have my wig on, go back and shut the door.
Get the wig on, cannot open the door, struggles to open it, can't open it, give up, stomping sound, swear.


Try to enter the stage from the mid entrance, but back off because its too bright, step on foot into the light, quickly pull back, and do it again several times as if I'm getting my foot into a pond of hot water, which means the speed of my leg stepping into the light would be from faster to slower.


The circus music keeps playing until I show up on the stage from the mid entrance and back off
The music gets quieter and eventually stops. Pink Panther music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OPc7MRm4Y8 starts to play right after the circus music stops. The Pink Panther Theme won't stop until I finally make my way to the center stage.


I stand still on stage, bow to the audience and start my stand up comedy piece


"Army Walk" around. Stand in the center stage, stand at attention and ease.
Salute with left hand, look around, changes salute with right hand.


Oh where are my manners. Well hello there, my name is Ray, and there's couple of things that I want to say about the Chinese government.


Doing the salute move


This is what I learned for almost 10 years under Chinese education. The Chinese government decided to let every kid in China know how to do this whole system of things every week, as if the lives of the students are not miserable enough. Do you know how much work we have? They say if you connect the top and the bottom side of books and tests in one school in china can make a belt for Earth. And with all these work loads coming from their teachers, students need to be grateful towards them.


Thank you Mrs. Li for all the work you gave me. Smile and salute.


Jokes aside, I believe this (salute) is for a good cause


To be fair, China does have a rough history. If you ask why, no one wants to mess with China because of its "Mysterious Eastern Power". But things changed when Britain figured out we weren’t anything. We are absolutely nothing but crackheads to them. So we got ganged up by some other European countries and they eventually beat the shit out of us.

And then you know, WW2 happened and China became a playground for the Japanese. Japanese were the big bully making us Chinese get off the swings and see-saw. We peed a little in our pants. But for real, it was a nightmare. Millions got killed, houses were burned down, a lot of our cultural antiques and buildings were stolen and destroyed. How are we still here? You can put it on your own imaginations.  But for real, China didn't sink to the bottom of the ocean, we are known for basically rebuilding the whole nation with nothing. Look at us now.  We still thriiiiivin’!

So I think, these hand movements, have great meanings. We are showing our gratitude towards those people who fought their lives to protect our country. So I come up with a list of people who has contributed greatly to China. For example the great leader Mao. He led our Nation towards greatness, he bravely fight off the Japanese army and win the civil war against the corrupted nationalist party. He makes everybody believes in him and worship him like a god and sending The Red Guard to every citizen's houses and smash everything just to make sure no one is defying him. Hmm.


You know what, let me check who's the second guy on the list. Ah, how could I forget, The Chinese Army.
The funny thing is, China just had the army parade few weeks ago. Everything in there is *kiss finger* Simply A-ma-zing. All those Chinese soldiers look buff and organized, it is just satisfying to watch them, no? They’re like eye-candy! Oh and don't forget about our military weapons. You see those submarines, undetectable, because China is deliberate enough to use the sea to hide them. And also those bombers, I mean they can fly! And you know what? *SHH* They carry dangerous stuffs! Bombs！Oh! And also those tanks! God damn, they look so tough and strong, I bet when they crush a student it would just simply wipe out that student's whole existence!

Play the Siren https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HziZ3yZDJY
And someone use a megaphone to repeat the following sentence: 
THIS IS CHINA, NO JOKES ALLOW

 I flee off the stage

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